


since we're alone

by allyasavedtheday



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: 1st Year Isak, 3rd Year Even, Alternate Universe, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Alternating, isak and even meet at a bakka party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-17 09:16:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12362544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allyasavedtheday/pseuds/allyasavedtheday
Summary: “You don’t go to Bakka, do you?” Even asks when he’s exhaled.“Um, no. Nissen.”Even looks at him, a smirk tilting his mouth as he lets Isak take the joint back from him. “In enemy territory. Brave of you.”Isak scoffs, feeling a little more of the tension drain out of his shoulders – even if Even leaning closer does have his heart ratcheting up a beat or two. “Nissen and Bakka aren’t enemies.”Even tuts. “You’re no fun, Isak. This could’ve been a great start to a modern twist on Romeo and Juliet, you know? Two star-crossed lovers meet at a party but their school rivalry is destined to tear them apart.”*If Isak and Even had met at the Bakka party mentioned in 2x01.





	since we're alone

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Since you're alone](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13242531) by [sunny_witch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunny_witch/pseuds/sunny_witch)



> Ahh hi, bbs!!!! It's been a hot minute since the last time I posted something askdjf sorry for the wait!! This fic is actually a continuation of two drabbles I've written previously ([Part 1](http://littlespooneven.tumblr.com/post/162795996352/omg-i-want-someone-to-write-isak-and-even-meeting), [Part 2](http://littlespooneven.tumblr.com/post/162839546592/yoooo-i-loved-your-little-drabble-about-isak-and)) that all began with [this post](http://littlespooneven.tumblr.com/post/162366988652/in-2x01-eva-was-supposed-to-be-going-to-an) so if the beginning feels familiar that's why :D
> 
> Because this fic deals with Isak's home life and the night he meets Eskild etc. I want to give a slight warning for neglect and minor ablest thinking (in relation to Isak's ignorance about his mom's mental illness). This is by no means the main plot of the story but even so, I've tried to be as respectful as possible when writing about it.  
> I'm pretty sure drive ins don't exist in Oslo so let's all suspend disbelief for the sake of the fic!!!!!
> 
> Title from Since We're Alone - Niall Horan  
> As always, characters do not belong to me  
> You can listen to the playlist for this fic [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/ciaraboo_/playlist/5p7kIaRBAyEOsjVY8UXXyj)
> 
> Finally, enjoy <3

The first thing Isak notices when he steps through the door of the party is that he doesn’t recognise anyone here.

Jonas had been morally against the idea of going to Chris and William’s party – he can give whatever excuse he wants; Isak knows he still wants to punch Chris’ face in every time he sees him – which has brought them here: travelling a little further than normal into Bakka territory for some third year’s party.

If nothing else, the music is good and when he and Jonas pick their way through the crowd to reach the kitchen they find a fairly healthy selection of drinks at their disposal so Isak can’t feel too bothered about their current location.

Honestly, he kind of likes the anonymity of it.

There’s been so much shit happening in his life recently – he’s been sleeping less and less, his mother is spiralling more and more, he’s barely heard from his father, he’s mostly over his depressing crush on Jonas but still faced with the horrifying elephant in the room that he’s not quite ready to confront just yet – and he just- he needs to switch off for a night. Be someone else. Someone who actually has their life together.

They get their drinks and then settle for propping up the wall in the living room, observing the makeshift dance floor. Isak watches Jonas scan the room out of the corner of his eye and he knows Jonas is probably looking at the girls, looking for someone to hook up with. It doesn’t hurt quite as much as it used to; it’s more of a dull ache than anything else now.

Isak isn’t sure how much time has passed when a third year from their own school bumps into them on her way to the kitchen and as soon as she locks eyes with Jonas Isak knows it’s all over. They share a few flirty comments that Isak mostly drowns out before Jonas offers to accompany her to the kitchen, taking her hand and throwing Isak a look over his shoulder that’s one quarter apologetic, three quarters elated.

Isak watches him until he’s out of sight before looking back to the living room at large. He should probably hook up with someone too – not that he really has any desire to but it’s his safety net, his insurance. They might be at a Bakka party but word will still spread. It always does.

Feeling suddenly too suffocated in the living room and giving into the painful twist in his stomach at the sight of  _any_  girl he could potentially hook up with, Isak escapes to the back garden.

It’s surprisingly quiet out here. There are a few people milling around the door but everyone else must either be inside or out the front. He finds a porch swing just off the decking and decides to make it his unofficial camp until Jonas finally decides they can go home. Not that going home is all that great an option either. Maybe he can convince Jonas to let him crash at his tonight, insist he’s too drunk to go home…

He’s weighing the merits of actually getting wasted versus just pretending when someone abruptly drops down onto the seat beside him. Isak starts, head snapping to the right to find a stranger sitting next to him.

A very hot stranger, fucking hell.

Isak hadn’t seen him when he was standing up but judging by the way he stretches out his long legs to keep the porch swing moving, he’s tall. His blond hair is swept up in a quiff and he’s got devastating blue eyes that have Isak lost in something of a daze until the stranger’s voice startles him out of it.

“Halla,” he says with a quirk of his eyebrows.

“Halla,” Isak replies automatically, eyes wide as the boy takes a joint from behind his ear and fishes a lighter out of his pocket.

“You don’t mind if we share the swing, do you?” the boy asks, placing the joint between his lips and cupping his hand around the tip while he clicks his lighter.

“No, it’s fine,” Isak replies dumbly, feeling slightly mesmerised as he watches the smoke escape from the boy’s mouth when he removes the joint to respond with a quiet, “Takk.”

Isak spends an agonising minute wanting to stare at the boy and trying desperately not to as the silence around them slowly grows heavy and awkward until the boy nudges him. Isak looks up and finds him offering his joint.

“Since you let me share the seat, I don’t mind sharing this,” he says affably, mouth curving up in a smile when Isak delicately takes the blunt from between his fingers. “I’m Even, by the way.”

Isak takes a drag, thankful to have something to focus on, and exhales a moment later. “Isak,” he says, passing the joint back to Even and trying not to jolt when their fingers brush.

“You don’t go to Bakka, do you?” Even asks when he’s exhaled.

“Um, no. Nissen.”

Even looks at him, a smirk tilting his mouth as he lets Isak take the joint back from him. “In enemy territory. Brave of you.”

Isak scoffs, feeling a little more of the tension drain out of his shoulders – even if Even leaning closer does have his heart ratcheting up a beat or two. “Nissen and Bakka aren’t enemies.”

Even tuts. “You’re no fun, Isak. This could’ve been a great start to a modern twist on Romeo and Juliet, you know? Two star-crossed lovers meet at a party but their school rivalry is destined to tear them apart.”

Isak raises an eyebrow, ignoring the way he almost chokes on his inhale at Even’s words. “That’s a lot to take from a thirty second conversation on a porch swing with a person you’ve never met before.”

Even grins. “Everything is an opportunity for a story. You just have to look for it.”

Isak bites back his smile, nerves tingling in his tummy when Even doesn’t move away after procuring the blunt from Isak’s hand.

“Am I right in guessing you’re a first year?”

Isak nods. “What about you?”

“Third,” Even tells him, leaning his head against the back of the swing and blowing smoke into the air. “So how did you end up here really?” Even wonders. “Are you on your own?”

“No, uh, my friend Jonas is inside,” Isak says before he makes a face. “He’s otherwise occupied right now.”

Even snorts, casting him a sidelong glance. “And there wasn’t anyone in there for you to hook up with?”

Isak’s mouth feels dry as he shakes his head. “No,” he says quietly. “No one.”

Even considers him for a moment, eyes flickering over Isak’s face. Isak doesn’t know what he finds in his expression but it has Even nodding to himself after a minute and passing the joint back.

Pulling bravery from the depths of his chest, he hesitantly asks, “How come  _you’re_  out here on your own?”

Even blinks before a brilliant smile spreads across his face. “But I’m not alone, Isak. You’re here.”

Isak nods mutely. It doesn’t answer his question but in another way it sort of does.

They drift between comfortable silences and conversations after that, sharing tidbits of information about themselves like trading secrets long after the joint is nothing but ash. And Isak feels a pleasant hum in his bones as he leans his head against the back of the seat, though he’s not sure if that’s because of the weed or because of the way Even’s knee is touching his where he’s turned towards Isak on the swing.

Even is in the middle of a story about his friend Mutta when Jonas suddenly appears on the edge of Isak’s vision. He looks over Even’s shoulder, raising his eyes to Jonas standing next to the swing, face flushed and hair a little wilder than normal.

“Dude, are you ready to go home?” he asks. “You can crash at mine if you want.”

Isak frowns; Jonas isn’t one to leave his hook-ups all that quickly. “What time is it?”

Jonas gives him a strange look before saying, “It’s 1am. Come on, we can get McDonalds on the way.”

1am.

Has he really been out here with Even for almost two hours?

He looks at the boy in question who offers him nothing more than a smile, giving no indication whether he wants Isak to stay or go.

Isak really doesn’t want to go.

But he also doesn’t really have a valid excuse so he nods at Jonas and reluctantly pulls himself off the porch swing. Jonas is already heading back up to the decking, satisfied that Isak will follow, and he’s about to when Even catches his wrist.

“You should come to more Bakka parties,” he says, expression unreadable but sending a thrill down Isak’s spine nonetheless.

Isak feels a smile tug at his lips as he nods. “I will.”

Even grins and releases him, settling back into the seat again in satisfaction. “See you around, Isak.”

“See you around, Even.”

Isak feels Even’s eyes on him the entire time as he jogs back up to the decking to catch up with Jonas who’s waiting for him at the doorway.

“Who was that guy?” Jonas asks when they start making their way back through the somewhat emptier house.

“Just some third year from Bakka,” Isak says, ignoring the way his stomach is still doing flips. “He shared his weed with me.”

“Sick,” Jonas says, making a detour to grab their coats before they step through the front door. “Sorry for abandoning you, by the way.”

Isak shrugs, burying his hands in his pockets as they make their way down the street. “It’s cool. I was with Even.”

And as he listens to Jonas ramble on about the girl he hooked up with he can’t help but think something important might have happened to him tonight.

*

Isak doesn’t go to another Bakka party.

He spends two weeks trying to come up with a way to nonchalantly suggest it but he’s terrified of Jonas picking up on something so instead he keeps quiet and goes along with whatever party Jonas or Magnus suggests.

But with every party or pregame they go to Isak feels more and more hollow. His home life is a wreck – his mom’s started barricading her bedroom door and, as bad as it sounds, so long as she doesn’t try barricading the front door too Isak thinks he can handle it – and every time he goes out he feels the pressure to perform, to find a girl to kiss when it’s becoming clearer and clearer that he _really_ doesn’t want that. To say it’s taking its toll on him is an understatement.

He can’t remember the last time he had a proper night’s sleep and he’s at the end of his emotional tether when Jonas texts him on Saturday night.

**Jonas:** _Magnus heard about a bakka party, you in?_

He didn’t think Jonas would want to go out after everything that had happened the night before at William’s party with Eva and those Yakuza guys and Isak is about to suggest they just go get a kebab or something until his thoughts drift to Even without his permission.

Even, who had, for a handful of hours, made Isak forget about everything except what was happening between them on a stranger’s porch swing.

Isak knows he’s not ready to confront this part of himself. He _knows_ he’s not. But…

But Even was _something_. An escape. An adventure. A tendril of hope.

 **Isak:** _I’m in, meet you in ten_

* * *

Even goes to every single party he hears about in the next two weeks, just hoping for a glimpse of Isak again. He’s still cursing himself for not asking for his number. He’d  _planned_  to but he’d lost his nerve a little when Isak’s friend had shown up.

He’d noticed him the second he walked in the door, expression piqued with curiosity and something that had almost looked like relief. Even would have felt guiltier about staring at him but with him and Sonja taking a break after one too many fights and the way Mikael’s smile has been muddling his head recently, nothing fucking makes sense.

Isak though. Isak had made sense that night.

Even had watched him lean against the wall and lazily glance around the room. When his friend had disappeared in the direction of the kitchen with a girl he’d seen the way Isak’s calm demeanour had slowly grown more panicked, looking around the dancefloor with an agitated expression on his face that contrasted starkly with the easy confidence he’d been wearing earlier. Even had watched him escape outside and waited a _healthy_  amount of time before following him.

And he’d just. He’d had the best night of his life – sitting on a porch swing smoking with a stranger who didn’t feel like a stranger.

But he has yet to see Isak again since that first night. He doesn’t have his last name so he can’t look for him on Facebook. He’d considered asking Elias’ little sister, Sana, since she was a first year in Nissen too but he thinks it’d probably raise too many questions he’s not sure how to answer yet. So instead, he goes to parties and hopes against hope that Isak will show up again.

He’s honestly close to giving up, moping in the corner at the party of some guy in his English class, when he sees him.

Isak steps through the door with two other boys in tow: Jonas, from last time, and a blond boy. He hasn’t spotted Even yet –  _why would he?_  Even thinks,  _he’s probably forgotten about you_  – and he disappears down the hallway after only a moment.

Even exercises excellent self-control and stays in his seat, listening to Adam and Elias bicker about something and trying desperately not to watch the entryway of the living room for when Isak comes back. He  _does_  return a few minutes later, without his jacket and with a can in his hand.

Even completely checks out of the conversation around him then in favour of watching him. He doesn’t know how long it takes but at some point, Isak must feel him staring because he looks over in Even’s direction and freezes when their eyes lock.

Even offers a smile and a tiny wave and he’s too far away to tell but judging by the bashful smile on Isak’s face when he ducks his head he’s probably blushing.

“Who are you waving at?” Yousef asks, making Even jump and hastily look away from Isak to meet his friends’ curious gazes.

“Just some guy I met at Rakel’s party a couple of weeks ago,” Even says casually. He resigns himself to not being able to talk to Isak just yet after that and allows the boys to suck him back into their conversation. He still tosses fleeting glances in Isak’s direction whenever he gets the chance and feels a thrill shock through him every time he catches Isak looking back.

It takes a while but eventually he notices Isak’s friends peel off, presumably in search of a hook up, and when Even next meets Isak’s gaze a look passes between them before Isak slips through the crowd in the direction of the back garden. Even manages to last about sixty seconds with his heart in his throat before he pushes himself up and announces that he’s going to get some fresh air.

“Want me to come with you, bro?” Mikael asks automatically and Even thinks if it was a few weeks ago he probably would’ve jumped at the chance.

Instead, he shakes his head. “Nah, it’s cool. It’s just a bit stuffy in here, I won’t be long.”

With that, he pretty much hightails it out of the living room and weaves his way through the crowds to reach the garden. It’s busier out here than it was at the last party and he doesn’t immediately spot Isak until he notices someone sitting on the grass further down the garden, bundled up in a jacket with little tufts of blond hair visible in the dim light.

Even doesn’t run to him but it’s a near thing. This garden is different from the last, wide and sprawling and sloping downwards towards a treeline. Isak is sitting about halfway down the hill, leaning back into the slope with his legs bent at the knee and his head turned towards the sky. He’s mesmerising.

Even sits down beside him, butterflies erupting in his stomach when Isak casts a shy glance in his direction.

“Can I have your phone?” Even asks before he can lose his nerve.

Isak raises his eyebrow but his hand still goes to his pocket. “This is an even weirder conversation starter than you declaring us some reincarnation of Romeo and Juliet, just so you know.”

“I didn’t get to give you my number last time,” he says, plucking Isak’s phone out of his slack hands and opening up the keyboard. “And I had to go to a lot of shit parties just to see if you would show up because of it. I’d rather that doesn’t happen again.”

Isak is staring at him, expression caught somewhere between excited and disbelieving as Even folds his phone back into his hands.

“I wanted to go,” Isak says when he finally seems to have found his voice again. “But I didn’t really know how to explain why I suddenly wanted to spend all my time at Bakka parties instead of ones thrown by people at Nissen.”

Even nods, hoping he looks more confident than he feels. He may feel like he’s about to burst on the inside but on the outside he affects a teasing smile. “Just tell your friends you met a devastatingly handsome boy who shared his weed with you. They’ll understand.”

Isak raises an eyebrow again before huffing out a laugh and shaking his head. “I’m not sure that they would, actually.”

Even feels himself frown slightly at that, shifting to mimic Isak’s position so he can more easily bump their shoulders together. “No?”

Isak turns his head to the side to meet his gaze for a moment before he looks away, shrugging self-consciously. “I don’t know. I- I haven’t really-“

“It’s okay,” Even says softly when watching Isak squirm makes his chest clench.

They share a look for a moment and Even feels himself relax once again when Isak’s lips lift in a tiny grateful smile. Then Isak’s gaze drifts to the sky again and he sighs. “Life would be so much fucking easier if I was a star,” he says petulantly. “They don’t have to deal with emotions or insomnia or anything like that.”

“Uh, I believe  _Stardust_  begs to differ,” Even teases. It’s an attempt to make the crinkle between Isak’s eyebrows disappear and it works. Isak rolls his eyes, mouth curving up in what appears to be an involuntary smile.

“That’s a movie,” Isak mumbles then and Even knows that but considering the way he’s glowing from the inside out just sitting beside Isak right now, he thinks that movie might’ve been onto something.

“So you  _don’t_  want me to disappear through the trees to collect you a star?” he checks, letting out a delighted laugh when Isak elbows him.

“No, I want you to stay here,” Isak murmurs and when Even turns his head he finds them only centimetres apart.

“I can do that,” Even whispers, feeling his throat bob as he hooks his pinky finger around Isak’s where their hands are laying side by side in the grass.

Isak lets out a tiny gasp at the contact but, after a moment, seems to steel himself and tangles their fingers together properly.

Even is content to sit like that for a while, staring up at the sky and revelling at the way his fingers are sparking where they’re touching Isak’s. He hardly remembers there’s still a party raging on behind him, the music almost like a distant soundtrack to the moment than anything else.

They’re quiet until Even hears Isak stutter out a breath and then he’s hesitantly asking, “Even?”

“Mm?”

“Have you ever kissed a boy?”

Even turns to look at him and isn’t all that surprised to find Isak already looking back. “No,” he says quietly. “Have you?”

Isak merely shakes his head in response. Even considers him for a moment, takes in the way Isak’s expression seems to begging him to lean in in one breath and praying he’ll leave in the other. He doesn’t know what Isak really wants but he can take a guess.

Swallowing around the lump in his throat, he reaches up with his free hand to cup Isak’s cheek and, in one smooth movement, he captures Isak’s lips in a chaste kiss. It’s a barely there brush of lips but it makes him feel more than he ever thought possible. It lights him up.

When he pulls back a moment later he feels his heartrate pick up at the way Isak’s eyelids flutter open, mouth still parted slightly and looking so, so inviting.

“Now you have,” Even whispers.

It takes a minute for the words to register with Isak but Even can tell the moment they do because a shy smile spreads across his face and his cheek grows hot under Even’s palm.

“So have you,” Isak whispers back, hand hesitantly reaching up to touch Even’s lip like he can’t really believe it.

“Still wish you were a star?” Even asks after a moment, voice soft and low.

Isak shakes his head, fingers absently tightening around Even’s where their hands are still held together. “Stars don’t kiss boys.”

Even grins, nudging his nose against Isak’s and leaning in to kiss a boy with galaxies in his eyes.

*

He loses track of time kissing Isak.

It never moves past chaste, never quite graduates to _making out_ , but it’s innocent and Even likes that. He likes the fizzy, fascinated feeling in his stomach like he’s slowly unravelling one of the secrets to the universe with every brush of his lips against Isak’s.

And _Isak_. The tiny, disbelieving curve of his mouth every time Even leans back. The way he blinks and his eyelashes flutter like he keeps checking to make sure this is real and that Even is really here. The soft, tentative touches of the pads of his fingers over Even’s cheek.

Isak’s left him speechless. Has rendered him totally awestruck.

Even’s not sure how long they’re trading kisses for but the jolt back to reality is a harsh one. There’s cheering from behind them, loud enough to have Isak rip himself away from Even and bolt upright with a panicked look around the garden. Even pushes himself up on his hands, takes enough time to ensure that the cheering they heard was actually in response to some kind of dumbass dance battle happening by the patio door and then looks to Isak.

Isak seems to have realised as much too but there’s no mistaking the slight tremor in his frame. His gaze moves back to Even and it’s filled with too many emotions for Even to really pick apart but he recognises the regret, the leftover fear, the anxiety.

“I- I should go find my friends,” Isak stammers, swallowing hard and periodically flicking his gaze back to crowd congregated further up the garden.

Even knows he has to play this carefully. He can’t push Isak; he needs to calm him down. He needs to take him back to that safe space they’d been in only moments ago. So he walks cautious fingers across the grass until they’re grazing Isak’s.

Isak startles at the contact but turns his hand over after a moment’s hesitation and lets Even lace their fingers together.

“It’s okay,” Even murmurs, trying to infuse as much reassurance into his words as possible. “You can go find your friends.”

Isak nods but he looks torn, like now that the immediate danger isn’t there he doesn’t quite want to leave.

“Find your friends,” Even repeats, voice soft and low. “But promise me you’ll answer if I call you.”

Isak’s face smooths out somewhat at that, shy and surreptitious. “I will,” he replies. He seems to deliberate with himself for a moment then, gaze flickering from Even’s eyes to his mouth three times in quick succession before he makes a decision and darts in to steal a kiss.

Isak looks surprised at himself when he pulls back but he huffs out a bashful laugh when he looks back at Even. Even grins, tightens his hold on Isak’s hand for a beat before releasing it.

“I’ll call you,” he says as Isak stands up.

They share a look before a smile slowly spreads across Isak’s face and he says, “I’m gonna hold you to that.”

Even just about refrains from collapsing back onto the grass like a lovestruck fool as Isak disappears back inside.

*

Even calls Sonja the next day.

They’ve been on a break for about a month but he thinks it’s about time to make it a break _up_.

He supposes it says a lot that she doesn’t even seem surprised.

“We fell out of love with each other, didn’t we?” she asks when he tells her, a rueful smile tilting her mouth.

“That doesn’t mean it wasn’t real once though,” Even replies and the expression on her face is fond now, more nostalgic than anything else. The fact that that it doesn’t hurt him is all he really needs to know they’re making the right decision. “We deserve to be happy even if that’s not with each other.”

Sonja nods, exhales a breath and leans in to kiss his cheek. “You’ll make someone really happy someday, Even.”

With any luck, someday has already started.

* * *

Isak is in his room, playing his music too loud in an attempt to block out the sound of his mom making noise in the kitchen. He doesn’t know what she’s doing and, though it makes bile rise in his throat, he’s too afraid to check. So instead he’s doing what he always does: pushing it away, blocking it out, pretending it’s not happening.

He’s considering the likelihood of him falling asleep any time soon when his phone pings where it’s resting on his chest. He’s expecting a text from Jonas or possibly Magnus because no one else texts him but he doesn’t even entertain the idea of it being Even until he’s looking at his phone and sees his name is on his lockscreen.

Isak’s been trying not to think about him, has been trying not to get his hopes up, but the truth is he can still feel the imprint of Even’s lips on his own two days later.

 **Even:** _have I waited an appropriate amount of time to text you?_

_Can I bombard your phone now?_

_Can I send you memes?_

Isak bites back a laugh, the tightness in his chest slowly beginning to unfurl.

 **Isak:** _yes to all three_

 **Even:** _thank god, I’m so impatient you have no idea_

 **Isak:** _I think I’m starting to see that_

 **Even:** _then at the risk of sounding desperate_

_When can I see you again?_

Isak can’t help the way his mouth curls up at the question, can already feel the longing in his bones to have Even close again. He thinks about it for a minute; they have the week off for Easter which means a lot of people are out of town, headed away for family vacations or going on cabin trips with their friends.

Isak isn’t going anywhere. He also doesn’t really want to be around his mom so close to a religious holiday, not when the majority of words she’s spoken to him in recent weeks have been nothing more than bible verses. Worrying his lip between his teeth, he begins to type.

 **Isak:** _tomorrow?_

**Even:** _perfect_

_I’ll text you the details in the morning_

_I hope you’re ready to be swept off your feet ;)_

Strangely enough, Isak thinks he might be.

*

Isak spends the whole day spiralling between too nervous to function and so excited he can barely breathe once he gets Even’s text in the morning, confirming that he’ll pick Isak up at 20:00.

By the time 19:55 has rolled around he’s changed his outfit approximately ten times, ran his hands through his hair double that until he finally gave in and shoved a beanie down on top of it and checked his phone so many times he’s surprised he hasn’t broken the lock button. He startles when his phone finally does go off, signalling a text from Even to let him know he’s outside.

Taking a breath, Isak stuffs his phone in his pocket, grabbing his keys and slipping out his bedroom door. He pauses in the doorway of the living room when he reaches the hallway, hand on the frame as he takes in his mom lying on the couch.

“Mamma, I’m going out for a while. I’ll be home later.”

She doesn’t answer him. She hasn’t really talked much today. Isak doesn’t even know if that’s a good thing or not anymore.

Holding in a sigh, Isak leaves, making sure to lock the door behind him. The sight of Even sitting in the front seat of a car in the dying light of the evening really shouldn’t be as breath-taking as it is. Even so, Isak ends up rooted to the spot for a moment just so he can stare at him.

When Even grins and winds down the window to call out a, “Halla!” it kickstarts Isak into action and he hurries down the steps of his front porch.

Even doesn’t kiss him when he gets in the car and Isak finds himself feeling grateful for it. He doubts his mother is watching through the window but he’s still too close to his house to want to risk it. Instead, Even smiles at Isak’s quiet greeting and lets him put on his seatbelt before beaming once more and pulling away from the kerb.

Isak finds his voice again once they’ve turned down the road around the corner from his house. “So where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise,” Even tells him and Isak can hear the smile in his voice. When he looks over to check he finds Even’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he watches the road through the windshield. Isak settles a little more comfortably in his seat, ducking his head into the collar of his jacket to hide the twitch in his own lips.

Streets pass them by and Isak quickly realises he doesn’t recognise where they’re going but he spends so little time in cars that it’s not really surprising.  He’s definitely not paying all that much attention when he’s on the tram. It isn’t until they’re actually pulling up to their destination that he even makes the connection of where they are.

“The drive in?” he asks, eyes travelling over the lot sprawling out in front of them. He’s never been before, has always considered it one of those off-limits places reserved for couples on dates. It sends a thrill up his spine to think about the fact that he gets to call _this_ a date – even if it’s just in his head.

“Yeah,” Even answers, quickly glancing at Isak before he pulls up to the window to buy their tickets. Isak panics slightly about whether or not he should offer to pay but before he can work himself up to say anything Even’s already pulling away from the window.

After acquiring their popcorn Even drives them up to one of the lots, stopping in an ideal space right near the screen. There’s already a few other cars parked up in other spaces but in general it seems like it won’t be a busy night. It’s quiet in the car while Even adjusts the radio to the right station and Isak tries desperately not to freak out because this is a _date_ and he’s never been on a date before – not least of all with a _boy_ – and he doesn’t know what to do and-

Even’s hand settling on his knee brings his thoughts to a screeching halt and he looks up, feeling himself deflate a little at the amused smile on Even’s face.

“Everything okay?” Even asks. His voice is low but still oozing with a kindness that can’t help putting Isak’s mind to rest.

“I’m okay,” he promises, even if his voice wobbles a little when he speaks. Fuck, he’s so nervous.

Even considers him for a moment before his hand slips off Isak’s leg and then he’s leaning between their seats to reach for something from the backseat. He comes back with a blanket which he dumps unceremoniously in Isak’s lap before reaching back again and procuring a flask of…something. Tea?

“It’s hot chocolate,” Even tells him when he catches Isak looking. “I figured I wouldn’t be a very good date if I didn’t take appropriate steps to keep you warm.”

Isak huffs out a breathless laugh, sure his cheeks are pink and hoping the dim light is enough to conceal it. “Is that what the blanket’s for too?” he asks, attempting coy but he thinks it just comes out shy.

Even only looks endeared though, teeth sunk into his bottom lip and mouth quirking at the corners as he nods. “I’m also trying to figure out a way to suggest we move to the back seat without sounding sleazy but I’m not sure that’s possible.”

Isak’s heart trips over itself at the words and he tries not to let it show on his face but Even must be able to tell anyway.

“I just figured it’d be more comfortable,” Even explains, tone still so gentle and so easy to fall into. “I come here with my friends sometimes and we usually just collapse the front seats and chill in the back so we can stretch out.”

Isak knows what’ll happen if they sit in the back, if they sit _closer_ , and while the thought is freaking him out a little, the tingle spiralling its way down his spine is unmistakable. (He also thinks Even is the type of person who will just let him watch the movie if he really, really wants to.)

So he steels himself and gets out of the car to climb into the backseat. There’s a bit of shuffling while Even gets himself into the back seat as well, stuffing the blanket, flask and popcorn into Isak’s lap while he busies himself with grabbing pillows from the trunk and collapsing the front seats so they have a clear view of the screen through the windshield. And then, before Isak is really mentally prepared, Even is suddenly sitting next to him and easing the blanket out of his hands to spread across both their laps.

“Movie’s probably about to start,” Even tells him with a wink, settling the popcorn between them and opening the flask to offer some to Isak while he props the pillows up behind them.

Isak takes it from his hand a little dazedly, the butterflies in his stomach making it hard for him to concentrate on anything but Even’s smile.

The sound of the movie coming through the radio speakers is finally what jolts him back to reality and Isak snaps his gaze away from Even to look at the screen.

It’s just trailers at first so Isak contents himself with taking a sip of the hot chocolate before offering it to Even. Even takes it from him with a sparkle in his eye, fingers lingering purposely over Isak’s as he takes hold of the flask. It’s only when the movie actually begins that he realises he never even asked Even what they were going to see, too overwhelmed by everything else happening tonight.

“Hey, what mov-“ he cuts himself off when he hears the narrator’s voice and realises he recognises it. It’s not a film he can say he’s watched multiple times but the opening line had always stuck with him, even if he’d only been a child when he’d first heard it.

“ _Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we’re human?_ ”

And suddenly, their conversation from Saturday night comes floating back to him. The minutes right before they kissed. The minutes right before the best moment of his life.

_Life would be so much fucking easier if I was a star. They don’t have to deal with emotions or insomnia or anything like that._

_Uh, I believe_ _Stardust_ _begs to differ._

Stardust.

Isak turns his head to find Even already looking at him and he can’t control the quiet incredulity that takes over his face when he meets Even’s gaze.

“I told you me and my friends come here a lot,” Even murmurs, answering his unspoken question. “I called in a favour with the manager and asked if he could screen this tonight.”

“I…you…” Isak isn’t sure what he’s planning to say, mind too busy short-circuiting to really come up with an articulate response. He stares at the playful smile on Even’s lips and then, before he can lose his nerve, he leans in and kisses him.

It only lasts a second but Even is _beaming_ by the time he pulls back and Isak’s heart is about to beat right out of his chest.

Even seems to take Isak’s kiss as some sort of unspoken permission because that’s all it takes for him to lift his arm and wrap it around Isak. Isak isn’t sure if Even’s hand is the thing that makes him tuck himself into Even’s side or if he does it himself but either way, he’s suddenly enveloped in Even’s warmth, head resting on Even’s shoulder and the entire right side of his body radiating heat everywhere they’re touching.

They watch the movie in silence for a while and Isak forgot how entrancing it could be. How the fairytale quality makes it so easy to get lost in the wonder of the story. Even’s fingers are trailing over his arm and Isak’s limbs are heavy with comfort and he’s watching two people fall in love and all he can think about is how someone, somewhere, in some other universe could be watching them and thinking the same thing.

It’s at some indeterminable point in the film that Isak finds his gaze drifting away from the screen in favour of looking at Even. It only takes Even half a second to return his gaze and with his head still on Even’s shoulder, their faces are a hair’s breadth apart and Isak can’t quite remember how to breathe seeing Even’s eyes this close up.

Something unspoken passes between them and Even moves the half a centimetre it takes to make their lips touch, bumping together once before releasing and catching again.

It’s too much.

Every nerve-ending in Isak’s body is alight and his insides are dissolving and Even’s mouth feels like something new and familiar all rolled into one. They trade kisses with lazy precariousness, languid but still careful, still testing boundaries.

But Isak thinks if either one of them were to push further his heart might actually burst and his chest would cave in so he lets himself revel in the chasteness for now. He doesn’t need to push, not when Even makes it feel like they have all the time in the world.

And they do. They kiss over and over and over again until Isak forgets where they are. Until time stops altogether just to give them a little longer to get lost in each other.

“I think you were wrong the other night,” Even mumbles after too long, lips smudging against Isak’s as he speaks and making Isak shudder.

“Hmm?”

Even leans back enough that they can meet each other’s eyes and his thumb smooths over Isak’s cheekbone while Isak watches in fascination as his throat bobs. “I think you can be a star and still get to kiss boys,” Even whispers.

Isak stills and then he’s overcome with this sensation.

A feeling like he’s falling.

He’s not sure if it’s a side effect of the butterflies or if the concept of falling for someone can actually be quantified by a sensation that ripples through your body when you’re with someone you like.

Either way, he’s never felt like this before.

He doesn’t think he ever wants to stop feeling like this.

Acting braver than he feels, he brings a hand up to flutter over Even’s jaw. The skin is warm to the touch when Isak’s hand finally settles and he feels a ridiculous smile spread across his face when he moves the tiniest bit closer and the tips of their noses touch.

Even’s smile grows in response and then they’re kissing again, movie all but forgotten, popcorn spilled on the floor of Even’s car, legs overlapping under the blankets.

It’s bliss.

* * *

Even drives them around aimlessly once the movie’s over – they did actually manage to pull themselves apart long enough to watch the ending – and neither of them are saying it but he thinks Isak is just as reluctant to go home as Even is to let him go.

They’ve been talking mostly, telling each other about school and their friends and expanding on all the little details they shared the first two times they talked.

“So do you think you’ll be able to convince your friends to come to more Bakka parties now?” Even asks after the fourth time he’s driven through the same street.

Isak lets out a noise between a snort and a scoff, sunk into the passenger seat with his eyes on Even. “Why don’t you come to a Nissen party for once?” he challenges. “Or are you too afraid to enter enemy territory?”

“I thought you said we weren’t enemies?” Even retorts with a laugh. “Remember? You said it right when you crushed my dreams for a modern _Romeo and Juliet_ remake.”

He catches Isak shaking his head out of the corner of his eye, letting out a breathy laugh as he looks out the window. “I think I prefer _Stardust_.”

Even smiles to himself, allowing himself a little mental cheer for coming up with a romantic first date idea. (He’d practically sold his soul to Christian at the drive in to get him to agree to screen the movie but it’d been worth it to see the look on Isak’s face.)

“Maybe we don’t need parties to see each other anymore,” Isak says after a moment, tentative and unsure and making Even want to pull over just so he can kiss him some more.

Instead he takes one hand off the wheel and blindly feels for Isak’s knee, squeezing once before he lets go again. “I’d like that. I want to spend more time with you.”

Isak asks, “Why?” and Even is thankful the streets are practically deserted because he does stop this time – right in the middle of the road – turning to Isak and taking in the shocked expression on his face.

“Because I like you,” Even replies, simple and sincere. Honestly, he thought it’d be quite obvious by now but he’s willing to keep repeating it if that’s what Isak needs.

Apparently, it is. Because the words make Isak suck in a breath and he looks completely caught off guard. Even so, he doesn’t shy away when Even takes his hand and Even’s heart all but falls out his chest when Isak whispers back a hushed, “I like you too.”

They drive around the block one more time.

*

Even takes Isak to Lutvann two days later.

After Isak had clammed up a little at the thought of hanging out in either of their houses Even had wracked his brain trying to think of places to take him that’d be private enough for Isak to relax. And, well, it’s not exactly warm yet but it’s not raining or snowing anymore either. So, the lake it is.

They’d walked side by side for a while but eventually Even had led them off the trail and they’d managed to find a fairly secluded spot to set up camp for the day.

And he can’t help feeling he made the right choice in bringing Isak here.

Because now he has Isak lying on a picnic blanket beside him, turned on his side with an arm under his head to face Even while the soothing swish of lake water in the breeze offers a quiet soundtrack to their afternoon. More than that, Isak looks _calm_ , eyes hooded and drooping with a soft smile on his face as Even cards his fingers through his hair.

And Even just can’t get over how effortless this is. How touching Isak comes so naturally but still leaves his fingers tingling like the aftermath of an electric shock. How easy it is to _talk_ – about anything, about nothing.

It makes Even wonder how Isak would take it if he told him his biggest secret. If he actually took the risk and told Isak he’s bipolar. He’s never actually said it out loud before.

The doctors told his parents. His parents told Sonja. Sonja told the boys. And well, after his episode the whole school pretty much found out on their own.

But Even’s never said it. He’s talked about it, sure – about how he’s feeling, about his episode –  but he’s known he’s bipolar for about four and a half months and he doesn’t think the words have ever left his mouth.

He wonders if Isak might be the first person he gets to choose to trust with his secret.

He doesn’t think he’s ready today though so, instead, he asks the other question that’s been on his mind. “Have you ever thought about telling your friends?”

It makes Isak still underneath his hand and Even patiently waits him out while he decides what he wants to say. Isak almost instantly averts his gaze, eyes downcast as he rolls his lips between his teeth and lifts his shoulder in a self-conscious shrug.

“I don’t- I don’t know if…” He doesn’t finish his sentence but Even can guess what he wants to say.

“You don’t think they’d accept you if they knew you liked boys?”

Isak shrugs again. “I- I mean, it’d probably be okay. Or like, Jonas would be. Just- you know how people say shit.”

Isak tries to look unaffected but Even can see the discomfort in the set of his mouth. He knows he’s not getting the full story right now. He knows “people” probably relates to _specific_ people that have made Isak think it’s not okay to come out. It makes anger flare in his throat but he knows better than to push. So he lets it be. He brushes his thumb over Isak’s cheek and brushes away Isak’s walls in the same stroke before leaning in and pressing a reassuring kiss to his mouth.

“You don’t have to do anything right now except lie here with me,” he murmurs, feeling himself smile when Isak’s mouth begins to lift at the corners under his hand.

“I like it here,” Isak replies quietly, fingers twisting in the fabric of Even’s jacket. “Feels like we’re somewhere else. Like another universe or something.”

“Beyond the wall,” Even says, grinning when Isak rolls his eyes and makes a valiant effort to hide his smile.

“Is that a _Game of Thrones_ reference or were you bringing up _Stardust_ again?”

“ _Stardust, obviously_ ,” Even scoffs, giving Isak a playful nudge and landing a feather-light kiss on his cheek.

Isak’s blushing when he pulls back and it’s more than Even can handle. He can’t remember ever feeling this enamoured with someone before. He loved Sonja, he knows he did, but he doesn’t think he felt this consumed so early on. And the inklings of a crush on Mikael he’s been harbouring recently all but evaporated the second he laid eyes on Isak.

It should scare him, how quickly he’s falling. And it does in some ways. But in other ways it’s just…exhilarating.

He meets Isak’s eyes and his stomach does a flip. Isak smiles at him, bashful and anticipatory, and Even would do anything to keep that smile on his face. Isak touches him and he feels like his skin is specially attuned to the pads of Isak’s fingers, lighting up in their wake.

He would do anything to keep this feeling between them.

He thinks if he just keeps holding Isak’s hand he might get to.

*

Even has to charge his phone twice a day now.

He doesn’t realise why until he finds himself sitting on the floor next to his bed, phone plugged into the wall and his conversation with Isak pulled up on the screen. They’ve been texting every available minute pretty much since their first conversation.

If Even had had his way they would’ve spent the entire Easter break together but with both their friends dragging them away to do things and Isak not feeling comfortable yet with telling his own friends anything, they’ve settled for texting and long phone calls before they go to sleep.

The thing is, he doesn’t even know what they spend so much time talking about. Sometimes it’s just about their days, or sending each other dumb memes, other times they’re sharing their interests – Isak waxing poetic about the universe may be awakening every romantic bone in Even’s film-making body – but no matter what, they never seem to run out of things to say.

Tonight it’s the night before they go back to school after Easter break and Even almost rips his charger out of the wall when Isak agrees to watch one of Even’s movie choices with him over the phone.

Even hurriedly grabs his phone and his laptop and clambers up to his loft. Once he’s comfortable he dials Isak’s number, biting back a smile while he waits for him to pick up.

“So I think we’ll go with _Notting Hill_ tonight,” Even rushes out as soon as Isak’s uttered a, “Halla.”

He hears Isak’s breathy laugh on the other end of the line and Even’s heart very nearly soars.

“Oh we will?” Isak asks wryly, voice that too-sweet combination of bashful and delighted that Even’s become far too fond of in the past week.

“You’ll like it,” he says, moving his finger along the trackpad to open the file on his own laptop. “Tell me when you’re ready to press play.”

“Wait- before we start,” Isak interrupts. “Is this another one of those pretentious tragic love stories you keep talking about or is it actually a normal movie?”

Even barks out a laugh, shaking his head before he remembers Isak can’t see him. “It’s a nice movie,” he promises. “I’m not letting you watch _Romeo and Juliet_ until I’m there to cuddle you through the sad parts.”

Isak doesn’t respond straight away and Even can just tell he’s blushing. He’d give anything to have him here with him right now. To kiss his red cheeks and pull him close.

“Okay, I’m ready to press play,” Isak mumbles after a delayed moment and Even smiles.

“On three,” he whispers down the line. “One…two…three.”

Isak doesn’t talk much throughout the film but he hums along to Even’s long monologues and voices his opinion here and there and Even likes this. He likes the closeness of it. He likes that even though they’re in completely different places right now it still feels like they’re together.

When the film ends they don’t hang up and Even doesn’t even want to think about what his phone bill is going to be like at the end of the month.

Eventually Isak yawns on the other end of the line. “We should probably go to sleep,” he says softly. “School tomorrow.”

Even turns to lie on his side, curling up and pulling the duvet over him. “I’m gonna dream about you tonight,” he murmurs.

Isak’s quiet laugh filters through the speaker again and Even wants nothing more than to coax that sound out of him with a million kisses the next chance he gets.

“I’m sure it’ll be better than the real thing.”

“Not possible,” Even denies immediately. “When can we see each other next week?”

“Think Jonas was talking about having a pre-game with a few friends on Friday,” Isak says after taking a second to think about it. “I could ditch though.”

Even feels himself frown. He wants to be with Isak – of course he does – but he doesn’t want to isolate him either. “I don’t want you abandoning your friends for me.”

Isak sighs. “I don’t want to go to some stupid party where they’ll just want to know why I’m not hooking up with a girl. I’d rather spend time with you.”

Even’s heart hammers in his chest at the quiet admission and he presses the phone tighter against his ear. “I don’t have plans Friday. And my parents are at a wedding this weekend,” he offers hesitantly. “You could come over after school?”

He tries to keep the hope out of his voice but he can’t mask the breath of relief that spills out of him when Isak says okay.

“It’s a date,” he says, feeling a beaming smile spread across his face.

“It’s a date,” Isak whispers back.

“I’ll text you in the morning,” Even tells him. “Have a good day tomorrow.”

“You too,” Isak replies and Even can almost imagine the smile he’s wearing right now. “Good night, Even.”

“Night, beautiful.”

* * *

Isak feels jittery when it’s time to go to Even’s house on Friday. (He’d bailed on the guys with some excuse about how he was meeting his dad for dinner and only felt a little bit guilty when Jonas asked if he’d be okay going alone.)

Even meets him at the tram stop and the subsequent walk back to his house is mostly quiet save for the small talk that fizzles out almost instantly when Isak can barely manage to string two sentences together.

It’s when they turn onto Even’s street that Even suddenly slips his hand into Isak’s and he doesn’t mean to but he can’t help it when his first reaction is to whip his head around and make sure no one can see them.

“No one’s around,” Even assures him softly, squeezing Isak’s hand once before loosening his grip enough that Isak can let go if he wants to.

Isak takes a moment to take stock of himself. Now that the adrenaline is slowly draining out of his veins he finds himself liking the feel of Even’s hand against his own – just like he has every other time – so he silently steels himself and laces their fingers together. He doesn’t miss the grin on Even’s face at the action and it makes him duck his head to hide his own embarrassed smile and quickly pinkening cheeks.

“So, how about I make you some lunch and then we can watch a movie or something?” Even asks after the silence has settled between them again.

“Sounds perfect,” Isak replies, huffing out a breathy laugh as Even uses their joined hands to pull him closer and kiss his cheek.

And Isak could get used to this. He could get so, so used to this. Holding hands with the person he likes, showing affection without the fear of rejection or the fear of someone else seeing. He’s still terrified of anyone finding out, still doesn’t think he’s even capable of saying the word _gay_ out loud – least of all in reference to himself – but he likes Even.

And he thinks one day he might be able to tell someone that.

*

Making lunch and watching a movie very quickly devolves into the two of them sprawled out on Even’s floor passing a joint back and forth but Isak can’t find it in himself to complain.

Being with Even is so _easy_.

Isak’s life has been a fucking trainwreck since Christmas – earlier, if he’s not lying to himself – and he’s keeping so much bottled up he’s starting to feel like he’s going to come apart at the seams. But not with Even. With Even, everything else washes away for a while. He doesn’t think about his mom or his dad or what state the house will probably be in when he gets home or what his friends would think if they knew he liked boys or what _Jonas_ would think if he knew about Isak’s feelings.

He doesn’t have to think about any of it.

He doesn’t have to think about anything but the warmth of Even’s presence beside him.

“Did you know you liked boys before you met me?” Isak asks on an exhale, watching the smoke swirl up into the air before it disappears.

Even doesn’t answer right away, instead rolling closer and pushing up on his elbow to lean over Isak and pluck the joint out his hands. “Yeah,” he says, punctuating his answer with a kiss to Isak’s lips before he lies down again. Closer this time, close enough for their shoulders to touch.

Another moment passes before he asks, “Did you?”

“Yeah,” Isak whispers, closing his eyes and forcing himself to breathe. He thinks that’s the closest he’s ever come to actually admitting it out loud.

Even must pick up on something in his voice because he reaches for Isak then, two fingers on his jaw, silently urging him to turn his head.

Isak does, and feels his breath hitch when he opens his eyes to find Even’s face only centimetres away. His gaze flickers from Even’s eyes to his mouth and Isak is aching to close the distance.

“Why do we always end up lying on the floor?” he asks instead, voice breathless and hardly above a whisper.

The corner of Even’s mouth ticks up in a smile and it’s mesmerising this close. “Maybe it’s our safe space,” he murmurs.

 _You’re my safe space_ , Isak thinks as Even guides their lips together.

*

Isak spends Saturday listening to Jonas tell him everything he missed at William’s party. He’s only half-listening while periodically checking his phone to see if Even’s text him. Honestly, he thinks the fact that Jonas is seeing someone is the only reason he’s actually getting away with sneaking off to see Even because he doesn’t think he’s all that subtle when his face lights up every time Even actually does text him. He’s just glad Jonas is too busy grinning at his own phone to notice.

“Hey, how was dinner with your dad?” Jonas asks once he seems to have exhausted the topic of the party.

“It was okay,” Isak hedges, pocketing his phone and rolling his lips. “He’s still shit to talk to.”

Jonas is wearing his Concerned expression when Isak looks at him and he tries not to let the guilt show on his own face. “Has he said anything about coming home?”

Isak shakes his head because he might not have spoken to his dad last night but that’s still not a lie. The most he’s gotten from him has been a monthly transfer into his bank account to pay for groceries ever since Christmas.

“He shouldn’t have fucking left you alone with your mom,” Jonas says and while Isak appreciates the fiercely protective side of his best friend more than he can say, it’s making a lump form in his throat right now.

“She was okay before he left,” Isak mumbles. “He didn’t know that would happen.”

“And as soon as he found out she had a breakdown he should’ve come back,” Jonas argues before he seems to take in Isak’s hunched shoulders and lets out a sigh. His hand lands on Isak’s arm and Isak thinks if it’d been even two months ago he’d be freaking out at the contact; now he just appreciates the comfort. “Your dad’s always known your mom’s sick, Isak. He should’ve tried to help her a long time ago.”

Isak knows that. It’s half the reason he can’t fucking stand his dad – the other half being the fact that his dad left him alone with her in the first place – but he doesn’t know how getting angry about what his dad _should’ve_ done is going to fix anything now.

“Do you wanna stay over tonight?” Jonas asks, bumping Isak’s shoulder with his own. Isak does but he stayed out so late with Even last night he feels bad not being home for a second night in a row.

“Can we stay at mine instead?” he asks and Jonas immediately nods in understanding.

“We’ll get pizza,” Jonas says, offering Isak a smile and changing the subject like he’s always been so good at doing.

And suddenly Isak is burning with the desire to tell him. Everything. About how things with his mom just seem to be getting worse and worse and he doesn’t know what the fuck to do. About how he hasn’t slept properly in _weeks_. About Even.

He doesn’t but he silently changes his mind from _never_ to _soon_.

*

Isak is lying on his bed, homework abandoned and phone pressed to his ear while he listens to Even regal him with the plot for his and Mikael’s film project on the other end of the line.

“I mean, it sounds better than the Captain America, Vladimir Putin thing.”

Even gasps on the other end of the line. “That was a tragic love story, don’t you dare call it a _thing_.”

Isak rolls his eyes and tries not to think about the impossibly fond grin on his face right now. (He’s just thankful Even can’t see him.)

“Also don’t think I’m not done teasing you for internet stalking me yet.”

Isak splutters, instantly feel his cheeks heat. “I was just-“

“It’s fine,” Even interrupts before Isak can even try to defend himself. “I mean, I searched through my friend’s little sister’s friends list until I found you.”

Isak shakes his head. He’d been slightly panicked when he discovered Sana knew Even. She and Isak never really interact since Isak and _Eva_ don’t really interact that much anymore but just the possibility of her knowing had left anxiety roiling in his stomach. But Even had assured him the most he and Sana talk is usually a hello in the hallway whenever he’s hanging out with Elias.

“Did I mention I found the videos of you rapping too?” Even asks then, shaking him out of his reverie. “You’re so fucking cute, Isak.”

Isak groans, covering his face with his free hand. “You weren’t supposed to see those.”

“Probably shouldn’t have let your friend post them on Instagram then,” Even laughs.

Isak heaves out a long-suffering sigh, resigning himself to second-hand embarrassment for his past self, and shifts onto his side. “What are you doing this weekend?”

“I have a surprise for you Friday, actually.”

Isak frowns. “You know I’m going to that party with the guys on Friday. I told you I can’t get out of it after I’ve been bailing for the past two weeks.” He hasn’t exactly been the best friend in the world recently and there’re only so many excuses he can give before he starts to look suspicious.

“I know,” Even says and he sounds like he’s smiling. “I’m just letting you know I have a surprise for you.”

“Which is…?” Isak drawls.

“A surprise,” Even repeats, barking out a laugh. “You’ll find out in two days.”

“Fine,” Isak sighs, looking at his half-finished homework and trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice when he says, “I should probably finish my homework.”

Even lets out an exhale on the other end of the line. “Same. I’ll text you before you go to sleep.”

“Okay,” Isak murmurs, biting the inside of his cheek in an effort to contain his smile. “Bye, Even.”

“Bye, Isak.”

Hanging up and dropping his phone on his chest, Isak stares at the ceiling and lets a giddy kind of incredulity wash over him.

No one ever says his name quite the same way Even does.

*

The party is boring, just like Isak knew it would be.

Jonas is already off hooking up with his new girlfriend and the last time Isak saw Magnus he was talking to some guy in his English class – Mahdi, he thinks his name is. Isak has absolutely no desire to find Elias and is secretly relieved he’s been more or less frozen out of their friend group in the past couple of weeks. Maybe Jonas finally came to his senses and realised the guy was a fucking tool.

However that does mean Isak is currently alone, propping up the wall in the living room and watching too many people sucking face on the makeshift dancefloor. He’s considering trying to find Magnus again when his gaze catches on someone coming through the front door.

A tall, blond, very familiar someone.

Isak freezes, mouth dropping open in shock as Even makes eye contact with him and mouths a mischievous, “ _Surprise_.”

He’s absently aware of Even’s friends spilling through the door behind him but all Isak can really focus on is Even nodding his head in the general direction of the hallway. Isak takes one quick glance around the room to make sure no one’s paying attention to him and then he promptly disappears through the crowd.

*

Even’s hand squeezes his thigh and Isak stutters out a breath.

Clenching his fingers in Even’s hair, Isak drags him closer, tilting his head to deepen the kiss and revelling in the feel of Even’s lips against his own. They’re in the upstairs bathroom with the door locked and to be honest, Isak doesn’t think they’re supposed to be upstairs but he can’t find it in himself to care with Even’s chest pressed against his. They’d snuck up here a couple of minutes apart and the second Isak had come through the door Even had crowded him back against it and captured his lips in a kiss.

They haven’t stopped since.

Isak’s currently sitting on the counter the sink is built into with his thighs squeezing Even’s hips and his hands in Even’s hair and Even’s mouth trailing between his neck and his lips every few seconds. And his brain is so far past short-circuiting he can’t even think anymore.

“When you said you had a surprise this wasn’t what I had in mind,” he breathes, lips smudging against Even’s before they connect again.

“Convinced the boys to come to a Nissen party for once,” Even mumbles, skimming his nose over Isak’s and thumbing at his jaw. “Said we couldn’t miss it, that it was the party of the month.”

“Is it?”

“Who fucking cares?” Even says, diving in to kiss him again and making Isak laugh against his lips.

His laughter quickly gets lost between their mouths as the kiss heats up again and Isak feels a rush go through him. He’s making out with someone he likes at a party; he never thought he’d get to do that any time soon. The fact that it’s Even just makes it even better.

“It’s been way too long since we last kissed,” Even says when they’re taking a second to breathe and Isak laughs again.

“We kissed on Tuesday,” he says, even though he agrees.

“Too long,” Even repeats, leaning their foreheads together and drawing Isak in for a kiss far more chaste than what they’d been doing only moments earlier.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Isak murmurs, brushing his lips against Even’s once, twice, three times before Even pulls back.

“I figured you should get to go to a party and kiss someone you actually like.”

Even says it playfully but it’s so similar to the reasoning Isak gave him last week for not going to a party that he knows Even did this on purpose.

Isak leans back against the mirror behind him, gaze focused on his fingers playing with Even’s. He wants to say something about what it means to him but he still doesn’t really know how to find the words to articulate it. Instead he just uses his hold on Even’s hand to reel him in again and slide their mouths together.

Even seems to be able to hear the thank you anyway.

*

Later, after too many kisses and a goodbye that lasts far longer than it really should, Isak finally leaves Even with the promise to call him when he gets home and goes to find his friends.

“Woah, someone got some!” Magnus crows immediately upon taking in his appearance.

It’s only then that Isak remembers he’s been making out with Even for the better part of the night and his hair and mouth probably show it.

“Is that a hickey?” Jonas asks, poking experimentally at Isak’s neck until Isak bats his hand away, face flushed.

“Fuck off. You two both abandoned me; what was I supposed to do?”

“Man, you’ve got to teach me your ways, I struck out so bad tonight,” Magnus complains as they start making their way down the street. “Was she hot?”

Isak thinks back to the look Even had given him right before he’d dragged him into a kiss that had left Isak’s heart and stomach somewhere around his toes. If he hadn’t already been sitting his knees definitely would’ve given out.

Shaking his head and suppressing a smirk, he tells them, “So fucking hot.”

* * *

The week that follows the party is practically perfect.

Even manages to spend all of Sunday with Isak – they go for a drive for lack of anything else private to do but it’s one of the best afternoons of Even’s life – and they manage to sneak off together after school on Wednesday too. Isak seems to be making a little progress as well. He doesn’t balk quite so much at the thought of potentially telling their friends – Even’s more so than his own but it’s still a step in the right direction.

Truthfully, Even doesn’t mind waiting; he _understands_ and it doesn’t take away from the fact that being with Isak feels so incredible.

He’s even starting to think he might tell Isak his own secret. The one thing he’s left out of all of their conversations. The one missing piece of the puzzle that would let him give himself totally to Isak.

He’s scared but he thinks he’s ready.

It’s been about seven weeks since they met and almost an entire month since they got together and Even has never felt happier than he does right now.

He should’ve known it couldn’t last.

It’s two in the morning when Even gets the phone call.

His phone blares loudly where it’s vibrating under his pillow and he feels for it blindly, squinting at the screen long enough to recognise Isak’s number before pressing “answer” with a clumsy thumb.

“Baby, what’s up?” he asks blearily.

There’s a ragged breath then, “Even?”

And that’s not Isak.

Even bolts up in his bed instantly, feeling far more awake than he had a few seconds ago. “Who’s this? Where’s Isak?”

“I’m Eskild,” the person on the other end of the line – Eskild, apparently – says. “I’m with Isak right now.”

Eskild’s voice is carefully neutral but Even can’t imagine any _good_ scenario in which a stranger would be using Isak’s phone to call him in the middle of the night. Feeling panic squeeze his chest, Even pushes out his questions around the tightening in his throat. “Where is he? Is he okay?”

“We’re outside a club,” Eskild answers calmly. If Even listens hard enough he thinks he can almost make out the sound of Isak’s voice in the background. “He’s drunk and he doesn’t want to go home and-“

Even doesn’t need to hear anymore.

“Give me the address, I’m on my way,” he cuts in, climbing down from his loft and feeling around in the dark for his hoodie and his shoes.

Eskild rattles off the address while Even gets dressed and by the time he’s done Even’s got his keys in his hand and is hurrying out his door.

“Don’t move. I’m coming.”

*

The first thing Even sees when he reaches the club is Isak sitting on the kerb with a man standing over him. Even runs to him without a second thought, dropping to his knees at Isak’s side.

“Isak,” he says quietly, putting a hand on Isak’s back and rubbing soothing circles between his shoulderblades.

“Even?” Isak slurs and, _oh_. Isak raises his head and it’s clear just from looking at him that he’s out of it. How much did he fucking drink? How did he even _get in_?

Even gives himself another second to take in Isak’s face and looks up to who he assumes is Eskild. “How much did he have to drink?”

Eskild gives him a helpless shrug. “I only found him about an hour ago. He was already drunk by then; I got him to drink some water but as soon as I mentioned going home he freaked out.”

“’m _not_ goin’ home,” Isak insists and Even thinks it’d probably sound a lot more emphatic if he wasn’t stumbling over his words. “Please, Even. I _can’t_. She’s mad. She was yellin’ and-”

Even freezes. Isak’s never spoken much about his home life before, always brushed over it easily whenever it was brought up, and Even is kicking himself for never questioning that before now. He studies Isak, sees the sheer panic in his expression, and pulls him into his side. “Okay. It’s okay. You don’t have to, Isak. It’s okay.”

Isak curls into him and Even runs a hand through his hair before his gaze returns to Eskild. Eskild seems to understand the unspoken question in Even’s expression because he begins talking without prompting.

“I tried to get him to call someone when he said he wouldn’t go home but he could barely read his contact list. He wouldn’t tell me who to call but there was a heart next to your name so…” Eskild trails off with a rueful smile before nodding to the club. “Given how very little he’s told me and what type of club this is, I figured you were the safest bet.”

Even takes a moment to absorb the information before blowing out a breath. “Thanks for calling,” he says, looking back down at Isak and trying to figure out how he’s supposed to get him back to his place in his current state.

“Look, I don’t mean to intrude,” Eskild says, making Even glance up again. “But if he needs a place to crash tonight, he can stay at mine.”

Even feels himself stiffen at the invitation even if Eskild’s been nothing but sincere so far. “Thanks but I can take him home with me.”

Eskild glances pointedly down at Isak half-passed out against Even’s side before returning his gaze to Even. “Have you introduced him to your parents yet?”

Even frowns. “No, why?”

Eskild nods like he expected as much and powers on. “I don’t think blackout drunk in the middle of the night is necessarily the best first impression,” he says with a wince. “One of my roommates, Noora, she’s in Isak’s class, and our apartment’s not far. He can crash there for the night and we can figure out what to do in the morning. You can stay too if it’ll make you feel better.”

Even deliberates for a moment, trying to think what the best possible solution is. He’s not stupid enough to let Isak go with Eskild alone but he also can’t ignore the fact that Eskild took care of Isak and called Even when he could’ve just as easily hurt him with no one being any the wiser if that’s what he’d been planning to do.

“Okay,” he breathes finally. “Okay. Yeah, thanks.”

Eskild nods with a small smile before crouching down on Isak’s other side. “Hey Isak. We’re gonna go back to mine, okay? Even’s gonna come too. You don’t have to go home.”

“No, can’t go to yours,” Isak mumbles, eyes screwed shut as he shakes his head. “Noora’s there.”

“Noora’s staying at Eva’s tonight,” Eskild assures him. “I’ll stay in her room and you and Even can stay in mine. I’ll make sure to wake you in the morning before she comes home.”

Isak seems to think about it before he finally gives an uncertain nod, allowing Even and Eskild to pull him to his feet. He leans most of his weight on Even as they walk but Eskild is solid and patient on Isak’s other side and keeps them moving whenever Isak slows down.

“Why’d you help him?” Even can’t help asking when they’ve been walking for a few minutes and Isak is all but passed out between them.

“I don’t know what’s going on at home with him,” Eskild says. “I’m only working off assumptions here but considering he was drinking himself into oblivion at a gay bar, had clearly run away from home, and is apparently dating a boy, I was willing to bet something bad happened to him tonight. I wasn’t going to let him go back there.”

Even should’ve known there was something more. He should’ve seen it. Isak was always closed off about his family or Even coming over but he just thought it was because Isak wasn’t ready to come out yet. He should’ve known it was more than that.

“Noora and Eva had already mentioned it to me that they thought he might be gay,” Eskild adds after a moment. “I looked him up on Instagram the other week; it’s actually the only reason I even recognised him. Now, I’m glad I did.”

Even spares a moment to think about what could’ve happened if someone besides Eskild had found Isak tonight and tightens his hold around Isak’s middle, giving Eskild a nod. “I’m glad you did too.”

*

Even doesn’t sleep much that night.

At first, he’s too concerned with making sure Isak is okay to even contemplate falling asleep before him. Then, he spends half the night awake, running all their conversations over and over in his head and trying to spot the warning signs he might’ve missed. Eventually, sleep pulls him under somewhere around 5am.

He wakes up again by 10:00 and he’s relieved to find Isak still asleep beside him. Even shifts onto his side, running careful fingers through Isak’s hair to brush it back off his face. He looks so much younger when he’s asleep, without the furrow between his brows or the visible dark circles under his eyes. And Even’s suddenly struck with the reminder that Isak’s only sixteen. Almost seventeen, sure, but still far too young to always look like he’s carrying a burden so heavy.

The pad of Even’s finger traces from Isak’s forehead to the hinge of his jaw and he considers withdrawing it when Isak starts to stir. Instead just moves his hand to Isak’s shoulder, ready to steady him if he needs it.

Isak wakes slowly at first, eyes blinking sleepily and fluttering in the dim light, until last night seems to come rushing back to him and then he’s bolting upright in an instant. It’s clear the action doesn’t help the hangover that’s probably wreaking havoc in him right now. Isak lets out a low groan, eyes squeezed shut and one hand clutching his forehead while the other wraps around his stomach.

“Hey,” Even says softly, sitting up with him and putting a gentle hand on Isak’s back. “Isak, take it easy. It’s okay.”

Isak very measuredly turns his head to the side and squints his eyes open. Even doesn’t miss the wave of relief that seems to wash over him as his wariness fades away. “Even?”

“Morning,” Even whispers, tilting his head up and pressing a kiss to Isak’s forehead.

Isak sighs at the contact and sags against him. Even takes his weight without a second thought, wrapping his arms more securely around Isak and leaning back until he’s resting against the headboard. He keeps his hand moving up and down Isak’s back and he can feel it where Isak is clinging to the fabric of his shirt.

“I couldn’t remember what happened last night,” Isak mutters after a moment. “I just remember getting shitfaced at the club. I thought- I didn’t know where I was when I woke up.”

Even swallows down his reaction at that, refusing to think about what could’ve happened to Isak if Eskild hadn’t found him when he did.

“Eskild found you,” Even tells him, keeping his voice hushed and leaning his cheek against the top of Isak’s head. “He called me off your phone when you told him you couldn’t go home.”

He feels it when Isak freezes against him but he decides not to comment on it.

“Eskild…” Isak says faintly, pulling back just enough to look at Even. “Who- like. Like, Noora’s roommate, Eskild?”

Even nods, making sure to keep his voice calm when he says, “We’re at their apartment.” As soon as he sees the panic start to build in Isak’s expression he hurries to continue, “Noora’s not home. Eskild stayed in her room last night. We’re in his right now.”

Isak nods to himself after a belated pause, finally seeming to stop and take in their surroundings, Even reaches over for the painkillers and water Eskild had left on the bedside table while Isak’s distracted, offering them to him with a gentle nudge.

Isak takes them with a weak smile, handing Even back the water when he’s finished before a thought seems to strike him. “Oh my god, I didn’t throw up last night, did I?”

Even remains silent and Isak groans, immediately burying his face in his arms. Even lets out a low chuckle, pulling him into his arms again. “It was in the bathroom which is probably the least offensive place for you to throw up. And we gave you mouthwash afterwards. I promise I still have a stupidly big crush on you.”

Isak rolls his eyes but Even can see the beginnings of a smile making its way onto his face. He kisses Isak’s temple to prove his own point and it’s enough for Isak to finally relax against him once again.

They’re quiet for a few minutes before Even decides he can’t wait any longer. “Baby,” he murmurs. “What happened last night? Why couldn’t you go home?”

Isak stiffens in his arms but before Even can even hope for a response the bedroom door is creaking open.

Eskild peeks his head in, slipping inside once he realises they’re awake.

Isak pulls away from Even enough to sit up properly and Even watches the timid way he’s looking at Eskild.

“How’re you feeling, little buddy?” Eskild asks with an encouraging smile. He’s got two towels in his hands that he shoves under his arm as he moves to his wardrobe.

“I’m okay,” Isak answers after clearing his throat. “Even said you helped me last night. Thank you.”

Eskild looks over his shoulder at them and his smile is brighter this time. “Don’t even worry about it.” He swivels around then, a pile of clothes in hand which he offers to Isak along with the towels. “I figured you might want to take a shower. There’s a spare toothbrush under the sink too. I’ll make us all breakfast while you get cleaned up.”

Isak looks so unbelievably taken aback at Eskild’s kindness and it makes Even’s heart clench to think actions like this seem foreign to him. Eventually, Isak looks from Eskild to Even. Even just offers him a squeeze of his hand before Isak takes a breath and climbs out of bed on shaky legs. He accepts the clothes from Eskild with an uncertain smile, nodding when Eskild tells him the bathroom’s down the hall on the right.

As soon as Isak is out of the room Eskild turns to Even, expression far more grave than it’d been only moments ago. “Has he said anything about what happened?”

Even shakes his head. “I asked just before you came in but he froze up. Maybe he’ll talk after breakfast.”

Eskild nods, breathing out a sigh before taking a seat on the bed. “Look, I know we still don’t know the full story but if he really can’t go home he can stay here. We don’t have a spare room but the couch is comfortable.”

Even smiles at the offer but he already knows what Isak’s answer will be. “I don’t think Isak will be all that comfortable with anyone from school knowing what’s going on with him. Even if Noora wouldn’t tell anyone,” he explains, offering Eskild a rueful smile. “But I don’t think my parents will have a problem if he has to stay with me for a while.”

Even’s been thinking about it most of the night. If Isak can’t go home then Even will keep him safe. At least until Isak talks to his friends and they can figure something else out.

Eskild nods again like he expected as much. “Still. I’ll suggest it to him anyway.”

Even is hit with a fierce stab of appreciation for Eskild then. He doesn’t know him all that well but it takes a special kind of person to open their home to a stranger when they need it most. “Thank you, Eskild. Seriously, I don’t- I don’t even want to think about what could’ve happened to Isak last night if you weren’t the one to find him.”

Eskild gives him a self-deprecating little shrug, pushing himself to his feet again. “I’ll make a start on breakfast.”

* * *

After breakfast Eskild graciously leaves them alone in his room for a little while longer, waving them off and telling them he was planning on spending his Saturday morning in front of the TV anyway. Isak appreciates him letting them stay and giving them space – he appreciates it even more when Eskild says he promises to text Noora and find out when she’s on her way home so they’ll have some advanced warning – but he can’t help the dread that settles in his stomach knowing the conversation he and Even are about to have.

Neither of them say anything at first, climbing back onto the bed and returning to their earlier positions by some unspoken agreement as soon as the door is closed.

Isak curls back into Even’s side and tries to weigh his chances at changing the subject before Even’s gently nudging his forehead against Isak’s temple and mumbling a pleading, “Baby.”

Isak feels a lump forming in his throat and his eyes begin to sting, snatches of his evening at home before he’d eventually given up and took off running coming back to him in shattering waves.

It takes him too long and he knows the sick feeling in his stomach right now has nothing to do with the amount of alcohol he drank but he eventually manages to push the words out.

“There’s something wrong with my mom,” he whispers, throat scraped raw and eyes squeezed shut.

He feels it when Even goes still beside him but he’s not brave enough to open his eyes and check his expression.

“What do you mean?” Even asks and his voice sounds different somehow. Like he’s too far away, like Isak is underwater and he’s just out of reach.

Isak swallows, biting on the inside of his cheek until he tastes the tang of blood. “She- she like. She’s sick, I guess. She gets these hallucinations and like, thinks the world is ending and the devil’s coming to get her and she- last night, when I got home-“ He cuts himself off, feeling a sob building in his throat and drawing strength from the way Even’s arms tighten around him. “Last night I came home and she didn’t recognise me.”

His breath hitches and it makes shame curl inside him but it’s better than actually crying. “It was like- like she couldn’t even see me. She just kept screaming about how they were coming to get her. I couldn’t get her to stop so I hid in my room.” His voice wavers a little at the end of his sentence and his chest is constricting but he forces himself to keep going. “She just wouldn’t stop screaming,” he whispers tremulously. “So I left.”

Even is quiet for a really long time but he doesn’t let go and Isak clings to that.

Eventually, he asks, “Isak, how long has she been like this?”

Isak shrugs uncomfortably. “Always?” he replies, not quite a question, not quite an answer. “It was okay when I was younger but ever since Pappa left it’s gotten really bad. She’s not always- delusional; sometimes- sometimes she just won’t get out of bed and stuff.”

He chances a glance at Even’s expression and feels himself start to panic at the frown on his face. But then Even meets his gaze and the concern outweighs anything else in his expression. “Baby, when did your dad leave?”

Isak wets his lips. “December.”

“And you’ve been on your own with her ever since?”

Isak nods mutely.

“You shouldn’t be the one taking care of her,” Even says and it’s the exact same thing Jonas has been saying for months. “She needs proper care and treatment. She’s- Isak, it sounds like she’s been having an episode for months. It could be psychosis.”

Isak feels his brow furrow. He’s always known she needs to get help. He’s always known there’s something wrong. And he’s googled symptoms enough times to be somewhat familiar with the words Even is using. He’s just not sure why Even knows them in the first place. “How do you know?”

Isak doesn’t mean much by the question, is more curious than anything, but it makes Even freeze again and this time it’s more noticeable. His entire expression goes slack save for the panic in his eyes and Isak wouldn’t recognise it if it wasn’t so familiar. He knows it’s the same look he gets on his own face when he slips up.

“Even,” he says, prodding but precarious.

He can see Even working through it in his head. He can see him scrambling to come up with a story. But Isak doesn’t want a story. He wants the truth. He wants to know why a simple question made Even lock up the way he did.

Eventually Even meets his gaze and his expression is the oddest mixture of pleading and defeated. “I’m bipolar,” he says quietly. “I- get episodes sometimes too.”

Isak blinks, mind going back to his mother and how unreachable she’d been last night.  Even’s not like that; he’s never been like that. “Like…?”

“Not like your mom,” Even says hurriedly before pausing. “Or- I don’t really know. I only got diagnosed back in December after I had a manic episode. I haven’t had one since so I- I guess I don’t know how bad it could get.”

“But you’re okay?” Isak asks tentatively. His mind is reeling a little, still a mess from last night and the dull ache throbbing behind his temples, but he tries to focus on getting the terrified expression off Even’s face.

Even nods quickly, tripping over his own words to explain. “I’ve been going to therapy since December. The medication they put me on first didn’t really work. Or- it did but it made me feel really numb so I’m trying a new combination now. It’s- it takes like, three months to figure out if they actually work because your body’s adjusting but I’ve been okay so far.”

Isak takes a second to absorb everything Even’s just told him. Honestly, he doesn’t know how to react but he thinks maybe no reaction might be the best reaction until he figures out what to say. So for now, he just says, “Okay,” and leans into Even’s space again, holding on tight because he thinks they both need it.

It takes Even a second but when he puts his arms around Isak again he holds on like he can’t bear the thought of letting go.

“Do you think that’s what my mom has?” Isak asks after a beat and he feels Even shrug under him.

“Bipolar isn’t the only disorder that makes you have episodes,” he explains and Isak pretends not to hear the wobble in his voice, just laces their fingers together. “It could be schizophrenia or something like that.”

The thought brings tears to Isak’s eyes again and he tries to blink them away in vain before giving up and letting them fall. “What am I gonna do?”

“You’re not going home.” Even says it gently but there’s conviction in his words that’s impossible to argue with. “You can stay at my place and we’ll- Isak, I really think we should call an ambulance for your mom. If things were that bad last night she might have hurt herself. But even if she hasn’t, she needs to see a doctor.”

The thought of his mom potentially hurt and alone at home makes his heart pound and his anxiety spike but Even squeezes his shoulder when his breathing starts to quicken and it helps ground him a little.

“I can make the call, okay?” Even offers, running a hand through Isak’s hair and down his back. “Why don’t you go talk to Eskild for a few minutes? Maybe catch him up on what’s going on. I’ll come out when I’m done.”

Isak nods for lack of anything better to do, climbs off the bed and then just as quickly crawls back on to pull Even into a crushing hug.

“Thank you,” he breathes.

Even holds him tight and somehow the crushing weight in his chest eases up just the tiniest bit.

*

By 21:00 that night, Isak is lying in Even’s loft bed with his head on Even’s chest and a duffle bag full of his clothes on the floor at the end of the ladder. His mom has been admitted to hospital and they’re treating her but Even hadn’t made him stay when it’d gotten too overwhelming. He left a message for his dad but he’s not expecting a response any time soon. And Isak just feels drained. Emotionally, physically, mentally. He’s had weeks that have gone faster than the past twenty-four hours have.

For once, he’s on the brink of sleep but, through the hazy fog of exhaustion, one thing sticks in his mind.

Even confessed something major to him today. Something, Isak thinks, he’s probably been terrified to admit ever since they met. Something he hadn’t intended to admit in that moment. And Isak never got the proper chance to take that information in, to reassure him.

He needs to reassure him.

Pushing himself up on his elbow, Isak raises his head to meet Even’s gaze. “I know- I know I haven’t handled the situation with my mom in the best way and I haven’t always had nice thoughts about her when she’s sick but I just wanted you to know that this is different, okay? I- my mom was supposed to be the one taking care of me and instead I had to take care of her but I didn’t know how to do that.” He pauses to take a breath, swallowing down the urge to cry and refusing to look away from Even’s face.

“But- knowing you’re bipolar- that doesn’t change anything, Even. I still want to be with you. I’m- I’ll probably fuck up sometimes and you’ll have to explain things to me but meeting you has been one of the best things that’s ever happened to me and the only difference today makes is that I just like you even more.”

Even stares at him for a moment, surprise colouring his features before he puts a hand on the back of Isak’s neck and pulls him down for a kiss. Isak goes willingly, lets his forehead lean against Even’s while their mouths seek comfort in one another.

It doesn’t last long because they’re both too exhausted to even think about taking things further but Isak feels just as content when his head returns to its spot on Even’s chest as he would doing anything else.

“Isak,” Even murmurs after a beat.

“Hmm?”

“I think I’m falling for you.”

Isak stills, feels himself smile properly for the first time all day, and traces his fingers across Even’s chest over the cotton of his t-shirt.

“I know I am.”

*

The next morning they’re lying in Even’s bed; they’ve been awake for about twenty minutes but neither of them has really made much effort to move yet. Honestly, Isak is taking comfort in it, in the few minutes of not having to think about anything other than the goosebumps Even’s fingers leave in their wake as they trail up and down his back under Isak’s t-shirt.

It’s Even that eventually breaks their calm and Isak can’t help it when his body tenses up.

“I think you should tell Jonas.”

Isak carefully lifts his head off Even’s chest, meeting his gaze with a guarded expression.

“Isak, he’s your best friend,” Even urges him quietly. “You don’t have to tell him about us if you don’t want to but at least tell him what happened with your mom. He’ll find out eventually, wouldn’t it be better if it comes from you?”

See, the thing is, objectively Isak knows that’s true. He knows he has to talk to Jonas; he knows he’s been bottling up too much lately. But knowing he should tell Jonas and _actually_ telling him are two different things. Where would he even start?

“I don’t want to hide you,” Isak says after a beat and as soon as the words are out of his mouth he realises how true they are. He doesn’t want to keep Even a secret, not when he’s been so unbelievably patient and been something strong and solid for Isak to lean on for the past month and a half. “I- I want to tell him, it’s just-“

“Scary?” Even says, smile small and knowing. Rubbing his hand over the small of Isak’s back, he leans forward and gently bumps their foreheads together. “I can be there with you if you want.”

Isak wants to say yes – to have that security with him – but ultimately he shakes his head. “I should do it on my own.”

Even nods in understanding before a tiny flicker of hope appears in his eyes. “Is it okay if I tell my friends?”

Isak’s heart beats a little harder at the thought of Sana’s brother finding out, mind running wild with the idea of _Sana_ somehow finding out and telling everyone – though he doesn’t really think she’d do that – but he shoves the thought away and nods. “You shouldn’t have to keep it a secret.”

“You weren’t ready,” Even says, so reassuring and unconditional and Isak doesn’t know what he did to deserve him. “l mean, maybe I wasn’t either. I haven’t even told them I’m pan; they could still react badly.”

“They won’t,” Isak insists. “They’re your best friends; they love you.”

A smile curls the corners of Even’s mouth as he reaches up to tap the tip of Isak’s nose with his index finger. “Remember that when you’re talking to Jonas.”

Isak rolls his eyes but doesn’t bother trying to fight his smile as Even pulls him back down to burrow into his chest.

Lying in bed together with a newfound determination in them both, Isak can’t help but think they’re going to be okay.

* * *

Even can barely hear the conversation happening around him over the blood rushing in his ears. The last time he checked in Adam was talking about some girl but Even’s been fiddling with his phone for at least five minutes in an attempt to calm himself down so they could’ve completely moved on by now.

A text from Isak – a simple heart in response to Even’s goodbye right as he got to Elias’ place – is the thing that finally makes him spring into action and he sets down his phone, looking around the living room at his friends. He loves them and he knows from experience how accepting they can be. They stuck by his side during the fallout of his manic episode even when he tried desperately to shut them out. They’ve been better friends to him than he could ever deserve but he still can’t help the jitters beneath his skin when he opens his mouth to speak.

“Gutta.”

It must say something about how quiet he’s been all afternoon that all five of them instantly stop talking and turn to look at him.

Steeling himself, Even takes a breath and feels the corners of his mouth start to turn up in a smile as his mind drifts to isak. “I met a boy,” he confesses.

It takes a second before anyone speaks and it’s Elias who finally does.

“Okay, when you say boy do you mean like, you’ve found a new friend and this is your way of admitting you’ve replaced us or do you mean you have a _crush?”_

“Not a crush,” Even shakes his head, doing a poor attempt at containing his smile when he tacks on, “He’s uh, he’s my boyfriend.”

It’s only after he’s said it that the worry starts to seep in a little bit. But before he can start to panic about any of their reactions Mutta lets out a groan.

“You only broke up with Sonja like two and a half months ago, how did you already find someone else?” he complains. “Damn, you have to teach me your skills, man.”

Even huffs a laugh, shaking his head and feeling the tightness in his chest unfurl with relief.

“Who is he?” Mikael asks interestedly, always the one to ask the most important questions, always the most concerned with Even’s wellbeing.

“His name’s Isak,” Even tells them, just about resisting the urge to gush. “He goes to Nissen. I met him at a party a couple of months back.”

“Wait, you’ve been together that long?” Yousef asks, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

Even shrugs. “Isak wasn’t really comfortable with telling anyone yet but he thinks he’s ready now.”

“Is _that_ why you’ve been surgically attached to your phone for the past two months?” Adam asks with a snort. “Thought you were getting sick of us, man.”

“Nah,” Even grins. “Just like talking to him, that’s all.”

That little confession is met with a chorus of groans and good natured ribbing and Even revels in it, feels light at the realisation that his friends know and that they’re fine with it. For weeks, he’s been so concerned with making Isak comfortable enough to come out that he hasn’t really paid attention to his own worries about other people’s reactions. But having his friends so openly accept him now makes him realise just how afraid he’d been that they wouldn’t.

And as they start demanding to know how he and Isak got together and asking when they can meet him, Even can’t help feeling like he’s finally settled. Since December he’s felt like his life has been following the wrong track but now- he thinks he’s found his way back to where he’s supposed to be.

* * *

Isak has been sitting with Jonas eating a kebab for the past twenty minutes and he still hasn’t worked up the courage to say anything important to him. He’s been staying at Even’s house for the past five days and Even already told his own friends yesterday and Isak really, really doesn’t know how he can keep lying anymore. (He also really, really doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say to Jonas though.)

It’s when there’s a lull in Jonas’ story that Isak finally forces himself to say something.

“Um, Jonas?” It comes out croaky and Isak hastily clears his throat, taking a bite of his kebab so he doesn’t have to meet Jonas’ curious expression.

“Yeah?”

“I, um. Something happened with my mom,” Isak replies quietly, swallowing down the tightness in his throat. He’d met his dad at the hospital on Monday to visit her and actually talk about what’s going to happen going forward. He’s not really sure how to feel about the fact his dad is fine with him staying at Even’s while his mom is getting treated. (Part of him is glad his dad seems to have accepted him. Part of him is furious that his father won’t be an actual fucking father and come home to take care of him while Isak is basically homeless.)

“Is she okay?” Jonas asks, brows furrowed deeply in concern. “Are you?”

“She- she’s in hospital now,” Isak tells him, sucking in a sharp breath. “They think she has schizophrenia…I still don’t really know much about it.”

Jonas’ reaction is delayed by half a second but then he’s dropping his kebab onto the bench and gripping Isak’s shoulder tightly. “Shit, Isak. Are you home alone? Do you need a place to crash?”

And Isak loves him so fiercely because, no matter what, Jonas has always had his back. No matter what, Jonas has always tried to protect him and Isak loves him for it, values their friendship more than anything.

That’s what he reminds himself of when he steels himself for what he’s about to say next.

“It’s okay,” he mumbles hoarsely. “I’m- I’m staying with Even.”

Jonas’ expression scrunches up in confusion and Isak tries not to flinch under his gaze. “Who’s Even?”

Isak takes a breath and looks straight ahead, eyes focused on a tree on the other side of the park. “Do you remember that Bakka party we went to a few months back?”

He sneaks a glance at Jonas when he doesn’t reply straight away and finds a frown still set into his features.

“What’s that go to do to with-“ Jonas cuts himself off then, looking to Isak. “Wait, is this the guy who shared his weed with you?”

Isak nods mutely.

“Isak, why are you staying with some random guy you met months ago?” Jonas’s voice isn’t harsh but it’s close to it. And Isak knows he isn’t mad – worried more like – but he can’t help panicking a little at the tone. “Have you- are you guys friends or something?”

And this is it. There’s his opening. He just has to say it.

Instead, he meets Jonas’ gaze, silently begging him to understand, and breathes out a quiet, “Not friends.”

Jonas’ expression clears somewhat and then he’s nodding, just the tiniest tilt of his head. “More than friends?”

Isak bites the inside of his cheek, squeezing his trembling hands together and nodding shortly.

He waits for the judgement, for some kind of reaction, but it never comes. Jonas’ grip just tightens on his shoulder once again and he smiles. “It’s okay. Hey, Isak- it’s okay.”

Isak lets out a shaky breath and doesn’t protest when Jonas uses the hand on his shoulder to pull him into a quick hug.

“Is he looking out for you?” Jonas asks then, protective instinct rearing its head again and so achingly familiar it makes Isak want to collapse in relief.

“Yeah, he’s been amazing,” Isak tells him honestly, offering Jonas a tentative smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you everything earlier, I just-“

“Isak, I get it,” Jonas says, voice so ridiculously reassuring. “ _I’m_ sorry if I ever made you think you couldn’t talk to me about this. I- You’re my best friend and I’m with you always, okay? That’ll never change.”

Isak nods and mumbles an, “Okay,” scrubbing at his eyes with the back of his hands. He can’t believe it’s finally all out there now. That Jonas knows and he’s not looking at him differently, he’s not shying away. Everything is okay.

“And- I mean, it’s probably great getting to have sleepovers with your boyfriend every night and everything but- you know you can stay with me if you need to, right?” Jonas continues. “Or Eva would let you crash at her place if you needed to. Just, remember you have options, alright?”

“Thank you,” Isak tells him, trying to infuse his voice with as much gratefulness as he possesses. “It feels better – knowing you know.”

Jonas bumps their shoulders together, offering him a broad grin. “So tell me about Even.”

*

Things get a little bit easier once their friends know. They don’t have to keep splitting their time anymore and it’s better, Isak realises, having that support system around them.

He goes to see his mom every few days. It’s hard and he still doesn’t really know how to act around her or what to say but Jonas or Even or Even’s mom is always there to help and offer a hand to steady him.

Isak’s life isn’t perfect right now by any stretch of the word but it’s- it’s something better than it was before somehow. He knows things are still messy – he’s still barely speaking to his dad, he knows he has so much further to go in accepting himself, he’s still learning how to do right by his mom and by Even – but somehow, things are slowly but surely falling into place.

It’s a few days after the end of the school year and a little over a month since he started staying with Even that he gets the phonecall from Eskild.

Eskild had been keeping in touch with him since the night at the club, sending him a Facebook message every couple of days to make sure he’s doing okay, and even if Isak normally pretends to be exasperated by it he really does appreciate the way Eskild seems hell bent on making sure Isak knows he cares.

When he says Noora is moving out and that they have a spare room Isak doesn’t know how to respond. But when he thinks about it logically he knows his answer should be yes.

“You don’t have to leave, you know,” Even says when he tells him later that evening, hands trailing over Isak’s sides. “My parents don’t mind you being here. And _I_ really love you being here.” He leans in with a grin and Isak accepts his kiss with a smile of his own.

“I like being here,” Isak tells him, ignoring the blush rising on his own cheeks and playing with the strings of Even’s hoodie. “But I think it’s probably a little too early in our relationship for us to _actually_ be living together.”

“If you had your own room at a kollektiv that _would_ mean sleepovers without the prying eyes of parents,” Even allows, waggling his eyebrows with a smirk.

Isak rolls his eyes, shaking his head and refusing to give into the laugh threatening to bubble out of him. “We also wouldn’t have to squish into your loft every night.”

Even scoffs, mock affronted. “Hey, there’s a spare room across the hall if you want it-“

Isak cuts him off with a hand over Even’s mouth. “You know I don’t,” he says, replacing his hand with his mouth and drawing Even into a languid kiss.

“Thought so,” Even mumbles, threading his fingers through Isak’s hair and deepening the kiss. They stop talking then, letting themselves get lost in each other until their lips are tingling and their heartbeats have synched. Even still makes Isak shiver, still makes him feel like there’s an entire galaxy exploding behind his eyes every time they kiss.

“If staying in your own place feels right, baby, then do that,” Even tells him a few minutes later, touching his thumb to Isak’s lip and offering him an affectionate smile. “I’ll be here no matter what.”

Not many people have said those words to Isak before and meant them but when it comes to Even Isak doesn’t think he could ever doubt them.

*

Isak stares around his new room with something that feels like contentment settling in the pit of his stomach.

He doesn’t know how living with Eskild and Linn will work out but he knows this is the best place for him right now. He needs his room and he needs his space where he can retreat from the rest of the world if he needs to. It doesn’t feel like home yet, with the remnants of Noora’s furniture and curtains on the window that he never chose himself but he thinks someday it could be.

His entire life has been depressingly packed up into a suitcase and a couple of boxes but there’s something comfortable about this flat, something about it that makes him think he could make it his own eventually.

Even coming into the room with one of his boxes shakes Isak out of his reverie and he looks over his shoulder to catch his boyfriend’s smile.

“That was the last one,” Even says, setting down the box and reaching for Isak’s hand. Isak lets him take it and lets himself be tugged over to the mattress currently sitting in the middle of the floor. After a little bit of shuffling they end up lying on their sides, face to face as their eyes trail over one another’s features.

And almost instantly Isak feels calm again – feels like he could be lying on the grass at some random house party, or in a secluded area in Lutvann, or on Even’s bedroom floor, or here: where a new period of his life is about to begin.

He feels calm and he feels brave and he feels like he can do anything with Even by his side.

After a few moments of staring and secret smiles, Isak starts to smirk. “How come we always end up on the floor?”

Even quirks his eyebrow, fitting his hand to the curve of Isak’s jaw. “I told you, it’s our safe space.”

It’s a conversation they’ve had before, a dance they’re replaying, but this time Isak doesn’t hesitate.

“You’re my safe space,” he says, meeting Even’s gaze head on.

They kiss and there’s a universe, one that’s entirely their own, carved out in the space between their mouths.

*

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you liked it, friends!!!! 
> 
> As per usual, you can find me at [littlespooneven](http://littlespooneven.tumblr.com/) on tumblr :') <3


End file.
